Soft Skills in the time of Zoom

A few months ago, someone sneezed in China, and now, you cannot fly to London, attend a baseball game, get a haircut, or visit your friends across town.

This is the downside of living in a connected world. Because of relatively inexpensive air travel, health problems in one part of the world become problems in Hometown USA, too.

As governments responded to the corona-virus, new ways of work, education, and medicine came to the forefront. The COVID-19 pandemic stretched the world in ways no one even thought possible and in ways totally unanticipated. It has caused companies to send employees home to work from their dining tables and expected them to have multiple virtual meetings using Zoom, or some other similar platform.

Soft Skills are even more needed when you work from an on-screen meeting!

Soft Skills are those tools used to interact effectively with others. The ultimate goal for all Soft Skills is connection, because everyone desires connectedness and inclusion.

On a virtual meeting it’s harder. On a Zoom call, there are a dozen people staring at you. Waiting for you. Expecting something from you. Someone’s screen freezes. Another talks and sounds like they’re underwater. And there are delays and you are always waiting for someone who is late. A 2014 study found that delays — even 1.2 seconds — on conferencing systems shaped our views of people negatively. So exhibiting soft skills is mega important.

In a recent BBC Remote Control article Gianpiero Petriglieri, an associate professor at Insead business school, introduced the concept of “Zoom Fatigue” as that exhaustion one feels after a day of on-screen meeting.

Being on a video call, says Petriglieri, requires more focus than a face-to-face chat. Video chats mean we need to work harder to process non-verbal cues like facial expressions, the tone and pitch of the voice, and body language; paying more attention to these consumes a lot of energy. “Our minds are together when our bodies feel we’re not. That dissonance, which causes people to have conflicting feelings, is exhausting. You cannot relax into the conversation naturally,” he says.

Yet, true connection, even virtually helps us not to grow weary and to be resilient. So, although it takes intentionality and focus to make connections on virtual meetings, here are some suggestions on ways to help make the needed connections and overcome the fatigue.

Empathize to Connect

At its core, empathy is the ability to see life from another person’s perspective, to “put yourself in another person’s shoes.” And since Zoom is where we meet to discuss business, hang out with friends, converse with family and have virtual dinner parties, people can literally “zoom out.” There’s a strong possibility that others on the virtual call are as weary or as bored as you are.

When you look at the screen, think about those sharing it with you as individuals bringing their lives and dreams and hopes with them to the meeting.

Just passing information is boring, but connecting is refreshing. So with intentionality, look for ways to see from another’s perspective. See their viewpoint for just a moment, even if you disagree. Attempt to feel with them. So seek to understand them, and feel for them before asking them to listen to or understand you.

If they look tired and unengaged, just suspend judgement. And empathize with them. Empathy is a renewable resource. It cannot be used up.

Communicate to Connect

It’s all about connection. “Most people,” says Stephen Covey, “do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Deep listening is a cultivated skill that assists in connection. Listen to understand. Even on a flat screen, personalities, dreams and frustrations come through. Watch faces. Listen to voice intonation. First be silent to listen and then be confident to communicate.

Simple information exchange does not form connections, so speak from your heart. Express your feelings so that connections are made. Don’t just give empty word, but speak — especially in a virtual meeting — from your emotion and feeling. Connections don’t happen in the intellect, they happen in the emotion. Connect from the heart.

So make a genuine effort to care about those who are speaking. Cast the circle wider to include everyone. Talk in such a way as to bring everyone into the conversation, so that even the introvert feels involved and valued.

Communicate in such a way as to explain your ideas, while valuing those who share the screen. Always say what you mean clearly and concisely. Speak in such a way that others will understand and want to support your projects because they feel connected.

Be Flexible to Connect

I’m pretty sure that virtual meetings and virtual classrooms have been a steep knowledge curve for most participants. In new environments there are often setbacks and unexpected changes ranging from technical problems, to delays, to miscommunication. So be flexible and look for creative solutions.

So value learning and participation above perfection.

Learn to laugh at issues and even at yourself. Be open to suggestions and feedback. Embrace adaptability and prioritize change. In virtual meetings, perfection is a goal, not an attainment. Attend to the details, but allow for the inconsistencies. The more people, the more computers, the more Wi-Fi systems and the more internet providers involved and the more flexibility should be expected. Each connection exponentially expands the possibilities of problems. As it says somewhere, “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape.”

Lead to Connect

Even if you are not the official leader of the virtual meeting, lead yourself in such a way that you influence others. Leadership is not a position, but influence. So utilize your skills, your values and vision to connect with others.

Brené Brown says, “A leader is anyone who holds themselves accountable for finding potential in people and processes.” Exercise your self-control and transparency to manage the attention of the Zoomers, drawing out their vision, their dreams, and their aspirations. When you are genuine and authentic, others will respond in the same way.

Use your leadership ability to give abstract ideas concrete identity for better connection. Decide for yourself how you will measure the meeting and interact accordingly. Build collaboration and stay in constant focus on the goal of the gathering. Be the encourager for the meeting.

Be Creative to Connect

Connection gives a shared meaning. So in your meetings, find new ways to express old ideas. Give new meaning to concepts that have appeared old and shopworn. Appeal to the curiosity of the group because curiosity always leads to creativity and innovation. Creativity works in that space between the idea and the product, between the concept and the fulfillment, appeal to the creativity of the group.

While screen-gazing tires us, connections empower us and rejuvenate us. Life is way too short and too precious to waste it in boring and draining Zoom calls. But a sense of connectivity can be achieved even in virtual meetings. Develop your Soft Skills and use them to make genuine connections, build trust and hope. Even in the age of social distancing using our Soft Skills, we can still find ways for connection.